Finding Your ‘It’: Navigating Life’s Uncertainties with Trust
In five weeks, I’m out of a job. And trust me, the last thing I’m doing is “trusting it’ll all work out.”
That’s the mantra people offer after a breakup, health challenge, big move, trouble with a family member, or any major life transition such as white-knuckling the keyboard while surfing the job boards. “Trust that it will all work out.”
I work for a company whose bread and butter are government contracts and they just found out they didn’t get a contract they were banking on. So, in five short weeks, I’ve got to be gainfully employed elsewhere, or I’m screwed.
Granted, the economy is improving. But it’s still an employer’s market, particularly in the sector I operate in, IT. The salaries being offered today, for the exact same position, are coming in much lower than two years ago when I landed my current job. Like a lot of people, I can’t take a reduction in my take-home. I’m already pushing it as it is. I’m among the ranks of Americans who had to scramble my nest egg to make breakfast.
Trust that it will all work out.
“Trust.”
Oy.
The first question most of us ask is, “How, exactly, is it all going to work out?”
It’s not enough to believe that it will work out. Most of us feel a need to know “How.” This seems reasonable enough, but it’s diametrically opposed to “trusting.” After all, if you truly trust that it will work out then you need not concern yourself with the “how,” right? It will. You already believe it will. I love that for you. But I don’t share your optimism.
I’ve spent a lot of time meditating on why I have trouble “trusting.” And, actually, I think I’ve come to a few realizations that have helped me and, I’m hoping, will also help you.
Realization #1: I Didn’t Know What My “It” Was
What’s my “it?” What’s your “it?” “It” is going to be different for each of us. For some, “it” could be a relationship. “It” could be better health. “It” could be a new career. So, when they say, “Trust that it will all work out,” what “it” are they referring to? Suffice it to say, I’ve not had a clear vision of my “it.” But, through my meditations, I’ve realized that my “it” has been somewhat parochial. It took a lot of rumination, but I eventually had the epiphany that I’m thinking of my “it” in very limited terms.
The monologue in my head is something along the lines of- “My current job is ending in 5 weeks. I need money for luxuries like keeping my family alive. Therefore, I need a job that pays the same or better. And, as I’ve already pointed out, those jobs don’t seem to exist anymore.”
Further rumination yielded this little nugget of truth- I don’t even want a job!
Seriously. I’ve worked my whole life. Many of my peers are now retiring and traveling and I wouldn’t mind joining them. So, do I want another job? No. What I want is my financial needs met.
I realized that when I saw “trust that it will all work out” I was reading it as “trust that in 5 weeks you will have a job that pays the same or better than your current job with the same or lower level of stress.” Where, perhaps, I should be thinking “Trust that in 5 weeks your financial needs will be met.”
With a clearer sense of my “it,” I started to realize how much I was limiting myself by focusing on only one outcome, which led me to my next realization-
Realization #2: Trust Opens the Door to Infinite Possibility
What do I mean by that? Trusting that I’ll simply have a job in a month is myopic. Sure, that job will bring in money to help keep my family alive. But am I doing myself a disservice by clinging to the idea of landing a job and not the possibility that something else could happen in the next few weeks that would change things in such a way that I no longer need a job- like winning the lottery?
Seriously. Who knows what could happen in the next few weeks? Even a small jackpot from Powerball, Mega Millions, or the like would be more than enough to retire on. Sure, winning the lottery isn’t likely- one in three hundred million- but it’s possible. Someone is winning these jackpots. Might as well be you or me, right?
Another possibility is aliens could invade and I’d likely neither have, nor need, a job because we’ll all be too busy running for our lives.
On balance, I think I’d prefer to win the lottery.
But that’s what infinite possibility looks like- lots of chances for your desired outcome to happen. This led me to another realization.
Realization #3: Infinite Possibility Reduces the Certainty of a Particular Outcome.
Think of a roulette wheel. That little ball is going to land somewhere. You either take a chance and put all your money on one number or you spread your money out over several numbers. The more limited you are in placing your bet the more remote the chance of a winning outcome. Yes, the payout can be higher but so can the loss.
That’s the risk you take when limiting the scope of your efforts which is why it’s important to know your “it” and your tolerance for risk.
Is “it” the big jackpot or to sustain your length of play? Is “it” just to lose weight or get healthy? Do you want a job or do you just want your financial needs met? There’s no wrong answer but your answer, your “it”, should be clear to you. Only then can you focus on trusting that “it” will all work out.
This example led me to my last realization-
Realization #4: Trusting Doesn’t Mean “Sit on Your Hands.”
At the end of the day, you must do the work. Want to win at roulette? Place a bet, whether on one number or several. Want a job? Get your resume in order, hit the job boards, and apply. Plain and simple. Want to win the lottery? Buy a ticket. (Sidebar: Yes, I said “A” ticket, not “a bunch of” tickets. Statistics have proven that purchasing multiple tickets doesn’t increase your likelihood of winning by any significant margin. Fight me on this if you want. But you’ll lose. And you’re wasting your money.)
Are you guaranteed your desired outcome? Not even close. But you miss 100% of the shots not taken. I think you can see where this is going.
Bottom line- If I want to open the door for other possibilities then I need to do the work; To put myself in situations, and increase the odds, for favorable outcomes to occur. I have to do my part. As the old adage goes “God helps those who help themselves.”
So, next time you’re in a situation and someone says, “trust that it will all work out,” you have these four points to consider:
What is your “it?”
Trusting opens the door to infinite possibility.
Infinite possibility reduces the certainty of a particular outcome.
Trusting means “Do your part.”
So, after all this, what’s my “it?”
Do I want a job? No. Am I hedging my bets? Abso-frickin-lutely! I’ve dusted off my resume, updated my LinkedIn and job board profiles, and I’m applying and interviewing. In the interest of creating more “possibility,” I’ve put the word out to my peers that I’m looking, and open, to making a career switch. And, to create even more possibility, I’ve started writing; I’m in a class for screenplay writing and I’ve started writing articles like this one.
Yes, I’m also buying lottery tickets. Responsibly, I might add.
Am I still anxious? Absolutely. But maybe that’s okay. I’m realizing that trust doesn’t mean everything is perfect or certain- it just means I’m willing to show up and do the work while leaving room for what’s next.
So how about you? What’s your “it?” I’d love to hear how you’re navigating your uncertainties- share your thoughts in the comments.